I'm Not Complete Until I Meet...

*****I wrote the following with the intent of submitting it to a few Christian magazines.  Feedback is more than welcomed!*****

I know this girl; we’ll call her Eve.  Eve’s entire life revolves around her relationship status.  When she’s not in one, she’s depressed and moody and can’t think about anything else but finding a man.  But when Eve finds that special someone, she’s a completely different animal.  No more depression, she’s happy and fun to be around – when I can pry her away from her “perfect” beau, that is.   

What’s that you say?  You know Eve too?!

Chances are you probably do know Eve because Eve isn’t a real person and that wasn’t an actual story.  Eve is representative of so many women and girls I know.  (And even a few guys.)  I have a feeling you know the type as well.  They’re practically beside themselves with glee when they get to update their Facebook status with “…in a relationship…” but watch out if Mr. or Mrs. Right breaks their heart because the next several updates will all be about what a sorry so and so they are.

However, I should digress because the point of this article is not to gripe about people airing their dirty laundry on Facebook.  It’s also not meant to be the tirade of some jaded and bitter single woman.  The truth is I’ve been an Eve once or twice in my life.  In reality, this article is a warning to single men and women everywhere about the infamous relationship trap or, as I like to call it, the “I’m not complete until I meet…” deception.

So many single people (Christian or not) operate like I used to.  They feel as though they are just buying time until they find that one, fulfilling relationship and then life can really begin.  I’ve even heard married people refer to life before their spouse in such as way as to suggest it didn’t count.  “But that’s before I was married.”  Like single life is some cheap knock off of the real deal!  If that describes you and you’re currently single, I have a newsflash: This is as real as it gets!  1 Corinthians chapter 7 serves as proof.  After instructing married and unmarried men and women in verses 1-16, verse 17 says, “Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.”  (emphasis mine).  Notice it doesn’t say, “…but if you’re unmarried, wait for the Lord to give you a spouse so you can start really living your life for Him.”  In fact, if you continue reading the chapter, Paul seems to be saying that staying single is the better option because one’s primary concern is the Lord’s work rather than his or her spouse and household.

So whether we are single and loving it or single and ready to mingle, we are to be living the life God has called us to, not counting down the days until we tie that proverbial knot.  But what about those desires God has placed in us to mate?  It’s only natural, right?  Especially for us women – we were made from man’s rib and intended to be his helpmeet.  It’s understandable that we would feel incomplete without a husband, no?

This is one of those questions that I used to avoid like the plague.  Mostly because I had asked God that very thing and never quite felt like I had a grasp on the answer.  There’s no denying why the female gender was created but then the verse in 1 Corinthians would pop into my head again and I wound up completely confused.  So what IS the answer?  As a high school teacher, I find myself drawing a lot of parallels and using analogies when I teach, so I decided to apply that technique to this conundrum. 

Pretend with me, if you will, that I’ve just invented a contraption known as the tennis shoe. (Just so we’re clear, I’m not claiming to have invented the tennis shoe, I’m merely using this pretend scenario to make a point.)  I’m quite proud of this new invention and know that it will serve my purposes well.  After a few days of wearing my new invention, I decide that they could use a little help.  You see, although they make walking, running and jumping much more enjoyable, they also make my feet sweat and sometimes they even rub blisters on my heels.  Never fear!  I will simply invent a soft piece of fabric to put over my foot before putting on my shoes and I’ll name that invention the sock.  Yes, socks will work nicely with my tennis shoes and together they will allow me the luxury of walking, running and jumping, blister and sweat-free.

Okay, so maybe it doesn’t parallel perfectly but hopefully this silly comparison makes a point.  The question that remains is this – since the sock was made specifically to go with the tennis shoe, does that mean it serves no purpose on its own?  Well, I don’t know about you, but I can often be found wearing socks without shoes.  They do a wonderful job of keeping my feet warm during the winter and I much prefer the feel of their soft fabric over hard wood, cold tile or dirty concrete. (That’s right dad, I still wear my WHITE socks outside!)  And just so the tennis shoes (men) don’t feel left out, they are still very helpful inventions even without the socks!

Okay, so single is good and men and women don’t have to feel like some underutilized creation just because they’re not married but I can sense that some of you are still stuck on this idea of being incomplete like the missing piece of a matched set.  Well, I’m no psychic but I am a 32-year old single woman and after all this time, I’ve finally figured out why we struggle so.

 We are incomplete.  In fact, all humans are. 

We were made by a Holy God who longs to have a relationship with us and so fulfill us.  The problem is, many of us, even those who have given their lives to Christ, continue to seek out fulfillment via other means…often times the opposite sex.  THIS is what has been playing over and over in my mind as I watch all the Eves in my life looking for “the one” who will satisfy their longings.  It’s as if I’m privy to top secret information that I’m just dying to pass along.  “Pssst! Hey you – yeah, you, Eve.  He won’t be able to meet ALL your needs.  You’re still going feel incomplete unless you fill that God-shaped hole with the one and only God of the universe.”

I mentioned before how I’ve exhibited Eve-esque behavior myself from time to time.  The truth is I always knew that no man could ever complete me, but it didn’t stop me from giving it the old, college try. (Literally.  Most of my dating mistakes took place in college.)  I think the reason for denying what I knew to be real stemmed from one simple fact.  This knowledge needed to make its way from my head to my heart.  The only way this doubting Thomas could believe was to experience God’s fulfillment first-hand.  I’m happy to say that after 32 years, several ex-boyfriends and a few relationship status updates, I’m still single yet completely complete.  In fact, I’m fulfilled to the point of overflowing.  I’d like to tell others how they can be complete too. 

“Pssst! Hey you – yeah, you, Eve.  You’re not complete until you meet…Jesus.”