3:00 A.M.

No, the title of this post is not referencing a Matchbox Twenty song.

It's also not the time of posting - although it's close.  As I type, it is 2:15 a.m. and I am sitting in the campus ministry office of Midland Christian School.

If you know me and how much I love my sleep then you know I must have a really good reason for being up so late (or so early depending on how you look at it.)  And you're right, I do.

This is Speak Week at MCS.  A week dedicated to 24/7 prayer.  Completely student-led.  Completely awesome.

Last night, in preparation for my "prayer room duty", I excused myself from dinner with friends to go to bed early.  When I explained the reasoning for my premature departure, my dinner buddies had an interesting reaction.  They agreed that if they were parents to teens who left the house in the middle of the night to "pray", they wouldn't buy that excuse for a second.

Interesting thought.

I'm not a parent to teens (nor was I the type of teen to try such antics), so I had never considered that option.

As I prepared for bed, I continued to dwell on my friends assumptions about teenagers.  Specifically, the teenagers that I teach day in and day out.  And I found myself becoming quite defensive.

Here's what I wish I could have told my suspicious, untrusting friends...

You may think all young people are the same but you don't know these young people like I do.

My students (MCS students) are special.  They're more than special, they are....well, quite frankly, they are amazing.  And they definitely amaze me.

They show up at 3:00 in the morning on a school night to participate in Speak Week.

They give of their money to support Sudan.

They take initiative in planning chapels, Bible studies and the like.

They work hard in the classroom, on the field, on the court...

They epitomize First Timothy 4:12.

Sure, like the rest of us, they're human.  They fall.  They fail.  They make mistakes and they don't always get it right.

But "normal teenagers" they're not.

Then I realized something.  I may have missed an opportunity to defend "my kiddos" (as I call them) to my peers but more upsetting is that fact that  I've missed many opportunities to tell the students themselves how much I admire them.

So, to ALL the students at MCS -

Thank you for not letting anyone look down on you because you are young but for setting an example.

As a believer in speech, life, love, faith and purity, I look up to you and I believe in you.

Love,
Miss Rydell

Living on the Edge

Living on the edge...

It's what rebels do, right?  We live life in the fast lane and throw caution to the wind.  In true rebel form, I am definitely living on the edge these days, but not like you'd think.

For the last month or so I've been consumed with this thought, or feeling rather, that I'm on the edge of a cliff.  Not a real cliff, of course but that proverbial cliff that so many of us face as Christians.

Behind me is safety.  The comfortable Christian life.

In front of me is the chasm of the unknown.  A life sold out to Christ.

I've been here before.  Maybe you have too.  Many times I've opted to back away from the jagged ledge and return to the life I've always known.  A life of safety and predictability.

I did jump once though.  I felt the Lord calling me into the "chasm" in the form of missions in Thailand.    Much like the disciples when they dropped their nets and followed Christ, I left my home in the states and moved to a foreign country to spread the Gospel.

But...
yes, there's a but...
looking back I realize that even that decision was "calculated" to a degree.  In a sense, the way had been paved for me.  Others had gone before, making the "chasm" seem safer somehow.

Returning to the example of Christ's Disciples, I've noticed something about the way they followed.

While walking by the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon (who is called Peter) and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea, for they were fishermen. ¹⁹ And he said to them,“Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.”²⁰ Immediately they left their nets and followed him. ²¹ And going on from there he saw two other brothers, James the son of Zebedee and John his brother, in the boat with Zebedee their father, mending their nets, and he called them. ²² Immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.

These men didn't ask questions.  They didn't make excuses or try to put their calling off.  They didn't calculate the risk of such a decision or ask to interview those who had gone before them.

I think there's a word that describes that kind of leap...

Abandon.

So here I am, on the edge of yet another cliff, longing to possess the courage and conviction of the disciples but somehow hesitating.

Maybe it's fear.  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of what others will think.

My prayer is that God would replace my fear with faith so that I may jump into the chasm with abandon and live the life He is calling me to.

This New Ink is REALLY Gonna Hurt...

One of the most common questions I hear in regards to my tattoos is, "Did they hurt?"

I can't speak for others with ink but my answer is always a resounding "YES!"  I usually come back with some sarcastic remark about how if I stabbed you with a needle over and over, do you THINK that would hurt?"  Add to that my history of passing out when confronted with a needle (in shot, piercing or tattoo form) and it makes one wonder why I have tattoos at all.

But that question I can answer as well.  Not only does it satisfy my inner (and outer) rebel but my tattoos (most of them) are a reminder of the kind of life I've been called to lead and in some cases even a witnessing tool.

Several years back, I got the words "to die is gain" tattooed on my right foot.  The second half of this verse (Philippians 1:21) was to serve as a reminder to me that death is not the end for me but a glorious beginning.  What seems like many moons ago, when I was living a very selfish life contrary to what I believe, I began to develop an irrational fear of death.  Seriously, I would have what I assumed were panic attacks at the mere thought of dying.  And I thought about it a lot.  Not about killing myself, mind you but just that I may not have many days left on the earth.  The thought paralyzed me - something it should not do for a Christian who knows her home is in Heaven.

Fast forward to 2013.  That irrational fear of death has been replaced with a peace that passes all understanding.  Also, I began to focus my attention on the first part of Philippians 1:21, "To live is Christ..."

If, like me, you grew up in church and in the Word, then you've heard this verse many times but do you really know what that means?  I'm not sure I did.  I knew I wanted it as my new tattoo though and so I began to dwell on Philippians chapter one.  I also thought about it's writer, Paul and his life and ministry.  Then I focused in on the life of Christ.  That is when the words began to have real meaning for me.

Paul's life was not one of ease but of struggle, conflict and severe physical and mental anguish.  He knew that to depart and be with Christ was better by far but he also knew that it was more necessary to remain in the body and advance the Gospel.

To live is Christ.

Like Paul, as a follower of Christ I am to imitate HIS life and ministry.  In other words, I have not been called to a life of comfort and ease but of struggle, pain and doing the will of my Father in Heaven.  This is not easy to accept for a girl who has gotten used to her comfortable, selfish, American life.

To live is Christ.

So in a practical sense, what does this mean?  Should I move to a foreign field and live in a grass hut with no running water and eat cockroaches for every meal?  Maybe.  Or, maybe it starts as something simple.  Like giving up precious hours of sleep to minister to op camp kids or giving up food for a day or two (or more) in favor of fasting and praying.  Maybe it means a reworking of my budget.  Less categories focused on me and more focused on the Kingdom.  Those are just a few places to start...

To live is Christ.

What does it mean to you?

Shut the door, keep out the...birds?

I recently visited a friend who's name, for privacy's sake, I will not reveal.  Let's just call him "Alfred".  

Alfred has a problem. 

Specifically, Alfred has a bird problem.

Alfred bought two beautiful, white birds (I don't know what kind as I am not a bird afficianado) and a large cage and placed them in his spare bedroom.  At first, life with the birds was grand.  He enjoyed his new, musical friends and cared for them as any good pet owner would.  Then one day, Alfred returned home from work to find that the birds had managed to escape from their cage and had taken over the spare bedroom.  Alfred returned them to their home, hoping this would not become an issue.

It did.

Not only did the birds escape on a regular basis but on the occasion when Alfred did not completely close the bedroom door, he came home to find birds in his kitchen, birds in his bathroom, and consequently....bird poop scattered about the house.

What I find most interesting about this story is the current state of Alfred's birds.  They have taken over the spare room.  They perch on closet doors, window blinds, furniture and the like.  They use the floor and window sill as a bathroom and I can't help but imagine that as they squawk at their owner (who seems to have resigned himself to never using his spare room again) they are really mocking him and his feeble attempt to cage them.

Sure, Alfred could remedy the situation if he so desired but not without some time and effort...and lots of water, bleach and possibly paint.

I was immediately struck by Alfred's predicament because I could relate to it.  No, birds have not taken over my spare bedroom but there are so many instances in my life where I encountered a problem or predicament and instead of resolving it immediately, I simply shut the door and vowed to "fix it" later.

"I'll clean out my van later," I say.  Now my van is often mistaken for a dumpster on wheels.

"I'm going to organize my files soon." Heaven help me if I have to locate an old bill or receipt.

"I'll start paying off those credit cards next month."  Now I'm faced with a "bird poop" load of debt.

You get the idea.

We let things slide, thinking we will get to it soon and before we know it, "the birds" have taken over.  And yes, this is a sad place to be, especially when you look back and realize how easily it could all have been avoided.  Had Alfred fixed the cage the first day, he would still be able to use his spare room.  

But when does our "bird issue" go from sad to outright dangerous?  In my opinion, it's when the issue is a spiritual one.

When we allow sin - any sin - to creep into our lives without immediately eradicating it, we are giving Satan a foothold.  I'm here to tell you from experience that the devil is a lot like Alfred's birds.  He will quickly take over before you even know what happened and he leaves a lot of "crap" in his wake.  The one difference is, Satan can't be so easily relegated to one room or one area of our lives.  Sin, if left unchecked, unrepented for, can spread like a cancer.

With the arrival of this New Year, I can't help but think about resolutions and how I'd like to work on things like my cleanliness, organization and debt.  But an even better resolution, for all of us, would be to work  on nipping sin the bud and not giving the devil a foothold.  In 2013, may those of us who call ourselves "followers of Christ" live openly and unashamedly - spare bedrooms and all.

Reflection and Inflection

"Will you lead me, beside the still waters
Where the oil, it runs over, and my cup overflows
You restore my soul "

(Caedmon's Call - Walk With Me)

While walking this evening, I stopped to take a picture of the trees reflected in the "rain-induced" pond at a nearby park.  What caught my attention (other than standing water in a veritable desert) was how perfect the reflection was.  I quickly realized why.  The standing water was completely still.  There wasn't so much as a ripple or falling leaf to disturb the mirror-perfect image.

That got me to thinking.  Okay, who am I kidding, I was already in a pensive mood but that got me to thinking specifically about a verse in the bible.  Psalm 46:10 says, "Be still and know that I am God."

As I walked the outskirts of the still water, I thought about the implication in my Christian walk.  Clearly, according to God's word, there is merit in being still - but I'm not sure I ever stopped to ask why.  It was as if God was saying to me, "Amy, when you're still, you are better able to reflect my image to others."

I thought about that for another lap or so.  Then my thoughts shifted slightly.  It will seem like a "jump" at first but just go with me here...

There's a fairly common drama warm-up I like to call "The Inflection Exercise".  The premise is simple.  Take one of your lines from the play and practice saying it over and over.  With each repetition, stress a different word in the sentence or sentences to see how it sounds or even changes the meaning.

Again, I went back to Psalm 46:10.

Be STILL and know that I am God.

Be still and KNOW that I am God.

Be still and know that I am God.

Be still and know that I am GOD.

As I alluded to earlier, when I hear be still, I think, "Oh, that verse means I shouldn't be so busy that I can't just slow down and spend time with the Lord" (and properly reflect him).  But I came to the conclusion tonight that "busyness" isn't always my problem.  Sometimes my problem is that I forget who is God.  I grow impatient or start to doubt that The Almighty is on His throne.  I start trying to do and get and be for myself what HE longs to do and get and be for me.

Be still and know that I am God.

He is God and we are not.  Our role in this life is like that of the still pond.  We are to reflect Him and His glory.

When we do this, the conclusion of verse 10 shows us the result:

"I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

Confessions - Part II

I played volleyball in high school.

No, that's not my confession - most of you probably already knew that.  You also probably know that when it comes to sports, there are certain "fundamentals" that one must learn.  Before you can run plays on the court, win championships or make it to the olympics, you have to have the basics down.

Bump. Set. Spike.

Okay, that shows my age a little because now days it's Pass. Set. Attack.  Or maybe Dig. Set. Kill?  Who knows anymore?

The point is this: those three actions are the fundamentals of the game and you won't get anywhere if you haven't mastered them.

In the Christian walk there are also fundamentals.  As someone who was raised in church and has a relationship with Jesus Christ, I am well aware that two of the "basic moves" of the Christian walk are time spent in prayer and time spent in God's Word.

So here's my confession...I've never really mastered those fundamentals.

Sure, I've had seasons that were better than others, but if the Christian life were a volleyball game, I should've been benched for the majority of it.

I have good news though.  My game is starting to improve.

Over the last few months, I've felt a tug on my heart.  I know that God is working in and around me and I've been overwhelmed with excitement at what He's doing.  I have no doubt that part of His work has been drawing me to Him.  For what purpose exactly I can't say, but I feel certain of it.

That being said, I've discovered something amazing.  Something I should have discovered 20 years ago when I became a Christian.

When I actually spend time in prayer and reading God's love letter to me, I'm a different person.

I was struck by this thought a couple of days ago.  I realized that I'm changing.  I'm different.

A different teacher.

A different friend.

Different when handling temptation.

Notice I didn't say perfect, or even good - just different.  Slightly better.  What could possibly have made this kind of impact on my life?

That's when it hit me.  My "quiet time" (as we say in Christianese) has been steady for the first time in ages.  I have no doubt that the improvement in this fundamental area is what has led to the improvement in my walk.

It feels so good to finally be off the bench and join my teammates in the work God is doing for His kingdom.  My prayer is that other "bench-warmers" will get back in the game as well by working on their fundamentals.  If you've been sidelined for too long, I urge you to make a comeback through prayer and studying God's Word.  It's time to rediscover Him and claim the victory.

Rediscover You (By Starfield)

I need to just admit my faith is paper thinI'm feeling so burned out on religionI say an empty prayer, I sing a tired songI need to just admit that the passion's goneAnd I wanna get it back
I wanna learn to pray the way that David prayedI want my soul to burn when I hear Your nameI wanna feel like new, I wanna hunger for YouBring me back to life like only You can do'Cause I don't wanna stay the same
You told me, look for You and I will findSo I'm here like I'm searching for the first timeRevive me, Jesus, make this cold heart start to moveHelp me rediscover You
Lord, I wanna be Yours todayI wanna know the passion of the saintsAnd how they were changed
You told me, look for You and I will findSo I'm here like I'm searching for the first timeRevive me, Jesus, make this cold heart start to moveI wanna burn for You, bring me back to lifeJesus, help me rediscover You

My Chains Are Gone!

We sang Amazing Grace in church this morning.  That song always touches me, especially the newer version that incorporates "my chains are gone."  I couldn't help but be moved to tears as I sang...

     My chains are gone, I've been set free
     My God, my Savior has ransomed me
     And like a flood His mercy reigns
     Unending love, amazing grace

I'll be honest, this girl who was raised in a conservative, Baptist church wanted to hold her hands high and yell down from the balcony, "MY CHAINS ARE GONE!"  I might have done just that if the tears hadn't choked me up.  Instead, I just sang with all the love in my heart to my amazing Savior as I considered the prison cell he has brought me from.

No, I don't mean a literal prison cell (but almost...), I mean a prison of my own making.  The prison of my sin and shame.  It saddens me to admit that through the years, I've been enslaved to many different sins and struggles.  My prison bars were made up of pride and fear, people-pleasing and alcohol, selfishness and doubt...and the list goes on.

This morning, as I sang, I was particularly grateful for the loosened shackle of people-pleasing.  I've spent most of my life doing my best to impress others in hopes that they would think highly of me.

Did you catch that last part?

...that they would think highly of ME.

I spent most of my life more concerned about what people thought of me than what they thought of my Heavenly Father.  Getting others' approval was a chain that held me captive and even caused me to hide my faith in certain situations.

In fact, that is the part of my past that brings me the most shame.

Like Peter, I hid the truth about my relationship with Christ to save my own skin.  Not that claiming Him would have resulted in losing my life but at that time disapproval was a fate worse than death, in my opinion.

By God's grace and His grace only, I can honestly say that now I am MORE concerned with what others think of my Father than of me.  He has set me free from worrying about the opinions of others and whether or not I measure up.  My focus is to properly represent HIM and point to HIM...and if the world disapproves of me in the process, let them.  I'm no longer their slave.

Romans 6:16-18 - Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey —whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?  But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted.  You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.

Praise God, my chains are GONE!!!